Now you, the reader, might be a bit confused by the title of this heer journal.
Well, good; birthdays are an exreaming confusing topic for me.
Why, I am imagining you asking, is because of a mix between past expeiriance and my owne wierd logic. Let me explian why.

1. The Magic of Memory
* Every birthday I have ever had with my family I expected to
be better then the year ebfore and instead blows up in my
face like one of those nasty ninja egg bombs full of glass
or cheap un-tasty chillie powder in my eyes.
* My parents feel that, I do not know why, I must love to have
history repeat it self and enjoy this horrid days of
hopelessness and destroed expectations.
* My mother constantly: tries to control my bithday (party)
to fit her own whants; whines and pouts when she doesn't get
what she whants; gets me a present for herself; and it seems
she tries to starts fights.
* I try to control the situation in hopes of having it turn out
ok for once, and agian there are ninja eggs of death

2. My Logic of Un-logicness
* That asking peaple for things or to do somethings for me on my
birthday is selfess
* That if peaple really cared they would do something I would
like, cause they can obviosly read my mind.
* Not to remind anybody when my birthday is until the day before;
I don't whant them to asume that what I really am saying is 'I
whant things so buy them cause it's my birthday'.
* Not to say what I whant because it feels needy and selfish to
say it.



Yay; so my brithdays are usually days of frustration, dissapiontment, me breaking down, me screaming, me crying, my family fighting, and just feeling sad and alone.
Sometimes it's not like that; but that's only happend one and-a-half times in my soon to be sixteen years of life.

Im just so afriad that it's going to be as horrible as last year. Me crying my eyes out, my brother crying about my mother, my mother acting like everything was going fine cause she was getting her way, my dad pissed off, the rest of my family completly forgetting it, and my mother giving me Thigh Master.
WHO THE HELL GIVES THERE 15 YEAR OLD GIRL A THIGH MASTER??!!!!
The only thing good about that day was making food for Gina, Kelsey, ans Shane while watching "V for Vendetta"; also seeing Shane trying to play DDR (so funny!).

So I hope things will be awsome, or at least better, in a little less than 10 minues.

Also that Im not completly cranky cause of staying up so late

Night,
Jessy